Angels of Inspiration had the privilege of interviewing a small group of children age 12-22 years old. The subject matter was absent parents. We asked the group of children to answer the questions honestly and from their heart.
Angels of Inspiration...Describe the relationship you have with your absent parent.. Then tell how that relationship makes you feel?
Amanda 11...I dont have much of a relationship with my dad. Only when he drops off child support and once or twice a year when he asks us to go over. It makes me feel not as cared for, when i see all my friends have 2 parents to love them when i only have one. I feel bad for my mom to have to raise 2 children by herself because there is no father to help her care for us.
Ashleigh 22...My relationship with my absent parent is turbulent. I find myself not expressing how i really feel for fear of not talking to them for an extended period of time or upsetting/pissing them off. they hold all the power and the relationship is on their terms. If i were to not call my father we would not ever speak. he does not reach out to me, or call me, as hard as that is to admit. My older sister who lives 5 hours away from him does not call, and has given up, and has not had one call sense christmas.. and it is now almost march. this really effects my self esteem, i sometimes i have to remind myself that the people in my life want to be there, and remind myself to stop, take a breath and just be myself, to relax, as im constantly on guard or feeling like i need to better myself in order to be liked, let alone loved.
Chantal 16...My relationship with my parent..I don't think you can say it is a 'relationship'. I don't have a word for it yet. Even the word friends is stretching the truth. As a child, I remember when I saw her..those 2 months out of a year.. and I really missed her. I looked up to her because she was my mom. Now as i'm older I see how naive I was. I have tried to talk to her, even small talk..and it always ends in a fight or arguement about how I am a bad kid and need to show everyone some respect in my life. I try and be mature with her and have a decent, normal conversation but it never works. On my birthday, I wait for a call that never comes, on Christmas, I will get a wonderful handmade gift from my baby brother, and not even a card from her to say Merry Christmas. Im at the point that she is nothing but a 'mother figure'.
Kayla 17... I always had a close relationship with my father when i was yonger because i was daddys little girl. As i grew older to realize how much a father he actually wasnt, it started to hurt me and made me realize that i never really had a father, he was just someone to come around to make an appearance once in a while.
Michael 17... The relastionship I have with my dad is through the phone to tell him to bring the child support, I just go right through me. I brush it off. I tell some people that my father is a dead beat and sometimes I say that I dont have a father. Cause really I don't have one.
Angels of Inspiration... How does your absent parent entering and leaving your life disrupt your emotional ell being?
Amanda 12... It doesnt make me feel anything because my mom is like my mom and father so I dont feel like Im missing anything. I feel as if he doesnt even care about me because he isnt around and never says anything to me.
Ashleigh 22... Having an absent parent entering and leaving your life disrupts you on many levals, first your self esteem.. having a parent who picks and chooses how they interact with me and how much time they spend with me makes me feel not worthy, it makes me doubt myself and constantly second guess things. Every time they leave(or you leave) its the constant questions, did i piss them off, did i say the right thing, do they like me, do they love me, when will i see them next, am i going to see them anytime soon or did i mess it up this time.. I find myself not speaking my mind or defending myself because i dont want to piss them off, i dont want to give them a reason to not see me again, or make it longer .. although he treats me terrible at times i still crave his approval and his love.
Chantal 16... As my absent parent enters and leaves my life, it provokes many emotions. I'd say the first one is anger, then depression. The reason it makes me feel this way is because she feels she can automatically gain her "parenting role" back when I am in the midst of making even the most simple decision in my life. If she knows i am contemplating on what to do at times, even when it has nothing to do with her, she will barge in and tell me what she wants me to do. If I do what I want in the desicion and it isn't what she hoped for, then I am a bad child. She does not deserve taking part in my decision making when she doesn't know whats best for me.
Kayla 17... My father coming and going in my life really hurts. Most of the time when he comes to visit, i dont even want to attend our dates. It feels like we have nothing to talk about because he doesnt know anything about my whole life growing up, that there really is no point in telling him because he missed out.
Michael 17... Everytime my father enters and leaves my life is makes me angry that he wasn't really there. That he wasn't there to teach me the thing men need to know, I don't really try to bother with my father.
Angels of Inspiration... How does it make you feel, when your absent parent criticizes you in a negative manner after having not been there in your life when you’ve needed them to teach you what you need to know about growing up?
Amanda 12 ... he doesnt really talk to me other then to say hi or how is school when my mom is around.
Ashleigh 22... How does it make you feel, when your absent parent criticizes you in a negative manner after having not been their in your life when youve needed them to teach you what you need to know about growing up?
It angers me, there's no other way to describe it. How dare he ..he doesnt have the right.. it also show's me how immature they are.. and i always think, how can you be so mean as to criticize someone you don't know? let alone someone who's become who they are despite the parents negativity holding them back .
Chantel 16... As a mother, I would think that she would have loved to have a daughter. She could teach me girly things in life and advice as to the issues we go through throughout our time. My friends have been so helpful and understanding of me. They have been there for me when my mother should have..they help me pick out shirts when i go shopping, do eachothers make-up, help me when im struggling in homework, even helped me learn how to slow dance when i was in grade school. All things mothers would have been honoured to do. As for her negative words, I strive to do at least one thing that will make her proud of me. And I fail. Whatever I do is never good enough for her. Never once, even as a child do I recall her saying anything like "I am proud of you" or even a simple "thank you". I've realized she will never change her negativity towards anyone in life because she is too stubborn to accept she is wrong at times.
Kayla 17... My dad has never critisized me about my life. He has only told me to make sure i know i love the person before marrying them, which really hurt because my mom is a great person and my dad couldnt have asked for a better wife, and he ruined it.
Michael 17... This actually happened to me. When I met my half brother for the first time my dad who wasnt there for my half brother either said to me in front of everybody "You should look like your brother." That made me so mad it hurt my feelings. I could have walked away and just dropped my dad completely out of my life 100%
Angels of Inspiration... How does it make you feel when your absent parent doesn’t come through for you whether it is through emotional support, financial support, your interests, your education etc...?
Amanda 12... I feel as if he doesnt really care about my feelings. He just makes himself look like he cares when he is around. He doesnt know I win awards or that Im a good child or that im fun to be around.
Ashleigh 22... How does it make me feel when my absent parent doesnt come through for me weather it be through emotional support, financial support, my interests, my education etc...?
It feels like a punch in the stomach, like your going to physically be ill.. im to the point where i cannot cry over it i am so angry. When you have a child, let alone 3 you are forever more responsible to them, even more so then marriage where you promise for better or worse, or in sickness in heath, children don't ask to be born, or to have to depend on their parents.. certain circumstances occur and render you Dependant sometimes too. at 22 the last thing i want is to depend on my parents, when i was in college ( for 3 years) i did not ask my father for a cent, nor did he contribute or offer too,even when he knew i was struggling. Now as i am dealing with medical problems and he still tries to get out of helping me.. it disgusts me, and thinks he is the type of person who should not have been able to have children, you have an unspoken responsibility , an unconditional love and support for your children, so where did his go ?and again i am asking myself, what did i do to deserve this?
Chantel 16 ... I have many interests in my life. My parent doesn't even know what they are. I used to volunteerly tell her what I was interested a few years ago, now I have given up on that. At this point I am very frustrated with her. I have 1 year of highschool left and off to college I go, she doesn't even know what I want to go to college for. I don't have a job yet, so I will be pushing myself to get one to make money for college. It frustrates me that she won't even give me a few hundred bucks towards my career. After all these years of never paying child support I thought she would be generous to give me a start on it...
Kayla 17... My dad has helped me out with financial stuff a bit, but he has never been their for any of my sports/interests. It has deffinatly hurt alot because he always promised to watch us at sports and what not but he never has! He doesnt know what he has missed out on.
Michael 17... Like I said in the other question. Not having a father around during these times is maybe a good thing, sense he couldn't really relate to my emotional stuff, my financial support, my interests, or my education. My dad doesnt really even know me at all.
Angels of Inspiration... How does it make you feel to watch other children bond and interact with the parent in their life that you are lacking in yours?
Amanda 12... I feel as if I dont get enough time to bond with my parents when only one parent is around to bond with. I feel as if other childs get more love and careing because they have both parents around to make memories with. It makes me wish that my dad would spend quality time like that with me.
Ashleigh 22... Having an absent parent entering and leaving my life disrupts you on many levels, first your self esteem.. having a parent who picks and chooses how they interact with me and how much time they spend with me makes me feel not worthy, it makes me doubt myself and constantly second guess things. Every time they leave(or you leave) its the constant questions, did i piss them off, did i say the right thing, do they like me, do they love me, when will i see them next, am i going to see them anytime soon or did i mess it up this time.. I find myself not speaking my mind or defending myself because i dont want to piss them off, i dont want to give them a reason to not see me again, or make it longer .. although he treats me terrible at times i still crave his approval and his love.
Chantel 16... As I watch other children bond with their parent that I am lacking, I honestly don't think about it. I only saw my absent parent 2 months out of a year for as long as I can remember. During the time that I was there, she was either working or going out with friends as I was at home babysitting. We never really had a bonding time, so I don't recall what it is like to have a mother that should be present. One who would take me out and play, to see movies, go shopping and all of that mother-daughter stuff. So I don't feel a certain emotion about this situation because I don't know what it feels like to be able to bond..
Kayla 17... It makes me feel jealous and hurts to see the relationship that my friends have with their parents and the stories they can tell about their children growing up because my dad couldnt really talk about me or tell stories about me to anyone because he has none.
Michael 17... When I see other boys playing BaseBall with their fathers I just get angry thinking my father wasnt able to do this with me. Actually he could've but chose not to. It makes me sad and hurts my feelings. Makes me wonder why that boys dad plays with him but my dad didnt want to play with me.
Angels of Inspiration... As we stated in our opening comment, It's a very traumatic experience for any child to go through life with an absent parent, regardless of age. It effects the children in many other ways also.
Please come back tomorrow Wednesday March 16th to finish reading this heart felt interview with this awesome group of kids!
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