Teaching Our Children Self Control.

The thoughtful parent knows that each child is an individual with a will of its own. Respect for a child’s will and need for autonomy must be balanced with respect for the needs of others and the limitations placed on us to ensure safety and survival.

Teaching your child self-control involves helping them to:

•Think before acting
•Control impulses
•Weigh consequences
•Make safe and acceptable choices

Up to Age 2
Infants and toddlers get frustrated by the large gap between the things they want to do and what they're able to do. They often respond with temper tantrums. Try to prevent outbursts by distracting your little one with other activities. For kids reaching the 2-year-old mark, try a brief timeout in a designated area — like a kitchen chair or bottom stair —to show the consequences for outbursts and teach that it's better to take some time alone instead of throwing a tantrum.

Ages 3 to 5
You can continue to use timeouts, but rather than enforcing a specific time limit, end timeouts once your child has calmed down. This helps kids improve their sense of self-control. And praise your child for not losing control in frustrating or difficult situations.

Ages 6 to 9
As kids enter school, they're better able to understand the idea of consequences and that they can choose good or bad behavior. Encourage your child to walk away from a frustrating situation for a few minutes to cool off instead of having an outburst.

Ages 10 to 12
Older kids usually better understand their feelings.Explain that sometimes the situations that are upsetting at first don't end up being so awful. Urge kids to take time to think before responding to a situation.

Ages 13 to 17
By now kids should be able to control most of their actions. But remind teens to think about long-term consequences. Urge them to pause to evaluate upsetting situations before responding and talk through problems rather than losing control, slamming doors, or yelling. If necessary, discipline your teen by taking away certain privileges to reinforce the message that self-control is an important skill.

It is important to be a model of self-control for your child. Controlling the urge to yell when in a frustrating situation will show your child it can be done. Considering consequences by thinking aloud will give your child a living example of thinking before acting. Your everyday display of kindness, patience and thoughtful regard will go farther than anything else.

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